While your child with high learning potential (HLP) often gives you the impression that they can never squeeze enough out of their day, you sometimes feel that you can never give them enough. You know on good days that youâre doing the best that you can, but when grey sky greets you throughout the morning, you donât feel that youâre giving them your all.
Pressures, expectations and conventions can generate that feeling of guilt. Why donât we try and be like our children, who are a little different from the conventional ânormâ and are finding their own path to be individuals amongst their peers?
Pleadings
HLP children know the power of their words. You might hear persistent comments such as âeveryone has more screen time and I should be allowed it because …â or âjust five more minutes of playing because I got back from school late and I did all my homeworkâ. Â HLP children are often able to add that extra bit of reasoning into their requests and arguments than their peers. You may think it was a well-made point, requiring a concerted effort to find an equally well-made answer. However, if youâre not in a position to make the effort, you may resort to a flat âbecause I said so!â, or capitulation. Either choice can lead to guilt. Be proud of their verbal ability, but if you know you wonât have the time or the patience for a full discussion, be consistent and fair in your response about the point you are discussing and donât get stuck in a talk-back situation with your child.
 âGrrr â Thereâs So Much Housework!â
This can be a difficult one with an HLP family. Perhaps theyâre untidy around the house – how many books are falling off your childâs bookcase? Or there are fewer minutes for tidying up because youâre a home educator, juggling work with providing your childâs learning extension or taking them to activities. Hold a family meeting about how you can split household tasks up with a system. Emphasise responsibility to your child and get them to help draw up the rota and pick a job that theyâre willing to do.
I Canât Afford Private School
You or your child would love them to join a private school, but you canât afford it. Reality is that the cost of living is so high that you gulp when doing your weekly shop. Paying for an independent school just isnât feasible.
Be aware private schools are not a panacea. There are many expensive schools that still disappoint HLP parents. Also accept that working longer hours, while generating more income, has its downsides. Maybe your child needs to see you when they finish at 3.30pm, or your health isnât excellent. In that case, remove the pressure by accepting that private school isnât feasible and discovering positive ways to do things together instead; Â be ready to chat positively with your child after theyâve had a trying day; sign up for a free online class you can share together; or consider what your child can offer the world via the school system that theyâre already learning in.
Iâm Spending Too Much on School
Conversely, your child made it to the private school but youâre still paying a lot of money even though they won a scholarship; is it too much? Whatever/wherever youâre paying, be realistic about the fact that some people will always use money to try to gain advantages; even in the state system, parents buy houses near the best state schools and use multiple tutors. Donât try to compete with that. As parents of HLP children, weâd like to see reduced class sizes and tailored work for ability; however, no education setting guarantees a great outcome these days. Whether state or private, there is always the risk that a school wonât suit your child. Watch for the signs of whether they are happy or unhappy and consider, with them, whether they would prefer another school and whether the money that you are spending on sending them to a private school could/should be better used on other family activities.
Not in School
Maybe you have removed your child from school altogether because they fit an HLP profile that doesnât work well in that environment? (PA105 Profiles of High Learning Potential Children) It could be that your child actually needs a âpushâ that they werenât getting before, and youâre more able to provide it.
Are you worrying that they are missing out? Accept that itâs a mixed answer. You may not possess a chemistry lab at home but equally youâre not forced to operate within the constraints of a teaching  timetable. There are pros and cons with all schooling options.
You Didnât Realise that Something was Wrong
Your child tells you that they got the best mark in class but shies away from mentioning that they were alone at break time, or that another child has pinched their bag for fun and that they had to chase them to retrieve it for the fourth time this week.
Accept that it is common to most parents that as your child gets older, they will be more inclined to ask for help locating an item and enquiring whatâs for dinner than asking you to aid friendship dilemmas. Make sure that you always leave the door open to conversation for them, let them know that you are there to talk to when you become aware of a problem but donât push the subject too hard. Model behaviour by being open about problems and work/friendships you have that arenât going as well as you would like.
You Wish You Knew as Much as ThemâĤ
Sometimes it is hard to accept that your child has outgrown your knowledge. Youâre stumped by differential equations, but your child usually knows how to do those. When they do find something challenging, youâre inevitably unable to discuss it with them, which leaves you feeling helpless and guilty that you canât help.
Focus on your own strengths and bring those into your childâs education. It neednât be academic â for example, soldering, emailing and packing shopping neatly are skills too! Or why not look on this as a growth moment for you and watch videos about a subject or ask them to teach you â often teaching someone is great revision for the person doing the teaching.
Know that Your Child Doesnât Need you at Every School Event
Your child may beg you to attend every school assembly  or event because they depend on your reassurance or take pride in the fact that you are there. If your child tackles an event on their own, theyâll learn not to depend on you for confidence. Do you have second thoughts about whether youâre doing the right thing in booking their first solo school trip or camp away from home? Think positively about the possible independence gained, the fresh perspectives that the trip might bring and the resilience. They might not get the dormitory pals that they hoped for, but exciting trips usually make up for it.
Being selective about which events you do attend will also make the show or sports day extra special for you both. However, bear in mind that when your child reaches secondary school there will be much more emphasis on gaining independence and far fewer opportunities for you to be involved in what is going on in school, so make sure you get the balance right and enjoy those activities you can attend in primary school.
You Feel Guilty Because Youâre Not Worrying!
Relax… life has its good moments and youâre entitled to enjoy them. Perhaps youâre one of those parents who canât believe it when thereâs a good spell in life: your child is happy in their learning environment, there are no problems with their friendships, and your own work-life balance is faring well.
If you think that everything is just too great and that there must be a problem somewhere, accept that itâs a relief not to be worried for once. At the same time keep in touch with the realities of your childâs day and show that you have empathy and are approachable if they want to talk. Being mindful that something may happen is better than worrying due to anticipating. If you live in the moment and enjoy some peace, youâll be mentally or emotionally prepared to deal with it. The HLP world of your child demands that you deserve a rest!